Remembering Phil

I had a lot of trouble sleeping most of last week. But it was tuesday night that really weirded me out. I woke up at 6 am, after not sleeping much at all, and i was hysterically crying. I've never, in my life, done that.. and the only thing on my mind was phil. I can't remember the dream(s).. all i can remember is his face.. and how upset it made me. I guess it's just my mind's way of dealing with his loss in the only time i really have had time to think about it.. when i'm sleeping. Since then, i've been thinking about him often throughout my day, regardless of whether or not i'm occupied with something else. His collage is hanging next to my computer.. his funeral card is on my bulletin board.. his picture is next to my bed.. i like that i can 'see' him whenever i want.. but at the same time it makes it that much harder knowing that he's just not here.. and he never will be again. I miss him.. i really do. I hope you're resting easy phil.. you're in my dreams always..

all my love,
Sarah Tortoreti
oootortle5ooo

I had a lot of trouble sleeping most of last week. But it was tuesday night that really weirded me out. I woke up at 6 am, after not sleeping much at all, and i was hysterically crying. I've never, in my life, done that.. and the only thing on my mind was phil. I can't remember the dream(s).. all i can remember is his face.. and how upset it made me. I guess it's just my mind's way of dealing with his loss in the only time i really have had time to think about it.. when i'm sleeping. Since then, i've been thinking about him often throughout my day, regardless of whether or not i'm occupied with something else. His collage is hanging next to my computer.. his funeral card is on my bulletin board.. his picture is next to my bed.. i like that i can 'see' him whenever i want.. but at the same time it makes it that much harder knowing that he's just not here.. and he never will be again. I miss him.. i really do. I hope you're resting easy phil.. you're in my dreams always..

all my love,
Sarah Tortoreti
oootortle5ooo

Well, tonight I finally had the courage to read all of these blogs for the first time. Although I posted my own passage a few weeks ago, i just could not read everyone elses, but I did, finally, and I am glad so many people are able to express their feelings.

I manage to relate little things back to Phil all the time. Whether I am listening to a talented musician, looking at the picture of him in a frame next to my bed, talking about him everyday to people, or trying to think of a persuasive speech for my class and knowing that I would have picked up the phone called Phil and he would have given me the perfect topic to talk about in 2 seconds. I havent deleted Lasapio off my buddy list or erased his number out of my phone. When the phone rings and wakes me up in the middle of the night, I still hope it is him... but its not.

I finally figured out how to do this webshots site and I posted pictures of Phil. The site is: http://community.webshots.com/user/moski123

If any of you have pictures that I can add to this site so everyone can see it i would appreciate you e-mailing me at MLBRODEY@syr.edu... the link is also in my aim profile: Moski123

I hope you are all holding up better than I am. I just miss him, but I talk to him almost everynight, I just wish he could talk back.
If you need anything please contact me. I will also be back in WO May 4th.
Talk to you soon
Morgan Brodey

I don't really know what to say anymore about any of this. I thought that the funeral would bring some sort of closure to me but it hasn't really...I still don't believe that this is real. I'm not really sure what closure means either. Does it mean one day I'll wake up in the morning and be OK with the fact that Phil is gone? Or that I will no longer feel that a part of myself is missing? ...All I know is that going to GW is not the same without Phil, and everywhere I go I wait to see him there...he was a vibrant and amazing person, and he brought the best out of the people around him. I only wish that I could have a morsel of the vibrance, determination, and charisma that he possessed...I guess all we can do is try to be the kind of person Phil was...
Anyway, this is poem that I wrote for Phil. I read it at the Liquid Arts Expo...I'm not very poetic, but I guess this was the best way I could articulate my feelings at the time...

I’m not philin this, how can I
Because I simply don’t know what to do
Walking the streets with a heavy heart and a somber mind
Thinking about you all the time
The streets, the steps, the sounds, the cries
It all just reminds me of you
I’m just waiting to hear, no it’s not real, it’s a joke, just a hoax
Because I can picture your face in my head, hear your laugh, your tone of voice
So clearly, so vividly
That is real to me; you are so real to me
You’re still there, knocking on the door, wearing your backpack, and your blue shirt
I can see your face through the peep-hole
I can see those pearly whites shining back at me…
All I can think is it’s not fair, and it can’t be true, ‘cause how can I go to GW without you?
There’s a hole in my soul, a space waiting to be filled up by Phil…
And it’ll never be the same again because you are simply irreplaceable
Indispensable – a truly, genuinely unique individual
The kind of person you meet in life
And know, in absolute certainty, that you will never ever meet anybody quite like this again
And it’s not the same, it’s simply not…
I can’t take a step, a breath, speak a word, utter a phrase, without being reminded of you
Your stride, your smile, your laugh, your words…saying it’s all love – it’s always been all love
And I can only hope that I’ll remember you forever
And that your face will never fade from my memories
I’ll remember the times we spent together
Dancing, talking, smoking trees…
And yet remembering the good times can’t possibly take away the pain I feel
The erratic emotions taking over my body
And I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, because all I wanna do is see you Phil…
‘Cause I’m not philin this…

<3 Vera
aim: verachica
e-mail: verachka@gwu.edu
Please feel free to IM/e-mail, I'm always eager to hear stories about Phil and talk about him. He obviously made as much of an impact on people in his high school as he did at GW...

I have wanted to post something for a while, but I really did not know what to post. I remember when I found out about phil, I really did not know what to think, it seemed so surreal. I was talking to Alex Press, and she said something that has really stuck with him, "we need more people like phil, not less" Phil was truely a brillant special special person and will be missed. He was the guy that could always put a smile on your face no matter how bad a day you were having. Through all of us his will be immortalized, through his words that we will never forget and through our memories we will keep him alive in our hearts. "DEATH LEAVES A HEARTACHE NO ONE CAN HEAL,
LOVE LEAVES A MEMORY NO ONE CAN STEAL" -susan shipman

I found this poem, and found comfort in it, so for all those that are still reading this I hope it gives you comfort as well.

HIS JOURNEY'S JUST BEGUN
by Ellen Brenneman

Don't think of him as gone away -
his journey's just begun,
life holds so many facets -
this earth is only one.

Just think of him as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.

And think of him as living
In the hearts of those he touched
For nothing loved is ever lost -
And he was loved so much.


love and peace with everyone, you are all in my heart. Phil you will always be remembered.

Love always
Anneliese

i'm having a lot of trouble articulating my feelings, but here goes...first-thanks to jeremy, it is wonderful to see how much phil meant to his friends. i met phil during the summer after third grade-a jazz band class led by joe romano in the summer enrichment program. we played in a jazz band together every year since then. i used to complain to him about how i didn't understand improvisation, how i'd never be able to play like him, and he'd just laugh at me. but i was right. phil never ceased to amaze me with his musical concepts, and even now, the most vivid memory i have of him is from the back (trumpets stand behind the saxes), slouched down in his chair, legs splayed, fingers flailing. i envied his love for music, the purity of his motivation for playing- he just took so much joy in it.
i think i got a better understanding of why phil was so important to me, and how saddening his passing was, in explaining to my friends here at school the kind of guy he was. i'd say "phil was one of the few people i'd consider a true role model. i looked up to everything he did and could do. he was brilliant, talented, witty, and THE most charismatic person i've met. if there was one man that could rule the world-it would've been him. he could rally people together like nothing i've ever seen. although i thought it a shame he didn't go into music, he would've flourished in the world of politics. everyone who's ever met phil KNEW he was going straight to the top, and he was such a nice guy that they'd want him to. the kind of popularity he had in high school was such that he could've ignored the pions, but he chose to be kind to everyone-even those others un/intentionally overlooked. he was just that kind of guy." usually midway my speech i'd break down in sobs, i suppose because i'd never realized the impact he'd made on me. although we were never super-close, we'd known and respected one another for many years-with plenty of band classes, trips, competitions, rehearsals, and concerts to prove it. my memories of him, like those of everyone phil knew, are all accompanied by a smile, if not a solid laughing fit. i wish he knew how very much he meant to everyone he encountered. i will never forget him. rest peacefully phil.
rachel simon

I can review several of the happiest moments in my life, and Phil was there playing a major role. He joined the sideline percussion in my sophomore year at WOHS, a jazz wizard coming from Juliard, and Mr. Dettmar said, "Oh you play saxophone? We're gonna put you on the timpani", and so Phil joined my meager section.

I knew when he knew not only all the words, but also the dance to Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap" (straight out of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: the Secret of the Ooze) that I was in the presence of a greatness that could only be described as "Phil".

I truly enjoyed every moment I've ever spent with Phil. I always believed that my path and his would cross again one day, and I hope to god that one day, in some shape, in some form, in this life or some other that Phil and I do meet again.

In the immortal words of the Bone Thugs 'n' Harmony, "I'll see you at the crossroads, so you don't get lonely"

~kevin boyle

We're still thinking of you and keeping you in our hearts.

It's been two days now since anyone posted anything...I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore, but I'm sitting here listening to a Gang Starr, De La Soul, and The Roots CD that Phil made me a few months ago and wondering what is wrong with me. Because I am much better than I was the first week, but I still go through these random up-and-down, manic-depressive-like moods that I've never had before and that I just don't understand. I'll have a day where I'm totally good, everything is fine, and then the smallest thing like a memory or a picture or something will totally turn me sour, and I find it difficult to remember how to feel happy. And I get angry. I get so angry because I'm frustrated that he's NOT here...I know, I mean so many people have told me that he's still here, he's still with us, but it's just like...he's not..because call me obtuse, but I don't see him, I don't hear him, I don't feel him...sometimes it's just like I have these attacks where I need him to be tangible to me. It's not like I saw him that much during the school year anyway, but I could still dial 10 numbers, and there he was saying "Yo, what's supreme?" just like he was in the room with me. I don't know. I've never dealt with anything like this in my life. And I still feel like I need him. And I find it hard knowing no matter how long I sit here he is not going to sign on-line. And that as much as my phone rings I will never hear his voice on the other end.
Writing helps me deal with my feelings, thus this entry, and me writing down a whole bunch of memories between us, consuming two pages in my notebook so far. I read through these and look through the various pictures I have dating back to seventh grade, and it's like this bittersweet feeling. Because some of the memories and the feelings they invoke are so great, and they really make me smile, but I also feel like there should be so many more memories ahead.
I need those of you who have been my high school friends to know that I love you very much. I think I tell many of you who I talk to that a lot, but I really can't stress it enough. Because that is something I would beat myself up for if something happened, and you didn't know. Fortunately, that's not something I regret with Phil because I loved him so incredibly much, and he knew that till his last day on this earth. So I'm gonna try to deal..by writing more on my own, by listening to the music i consider 'his,' by watching 'Brown Sugar,' a beloved movie of his, over and over and over again..by talking to you all whose friendship i appreciate so much. And if you have difficulty you can count on me too. I know how you feel. Even though time has passed and is passing, it's still hard. So thanks for the read. And IM, call, whatever you want, anytime. I'm here.
Love always, Olivia

You would always want people to be who they are, to speak their own mind, to think their own thoughts, to feel how they want to. You taught me that my mind, this innate intelligence is greater and wiser than insecurities and weakness. Your mind was that; It was the oracle of your spirit, that rock of your soul that grounded you. However the sound came out, in rhyme, in poetry, on paper, it was that rock that sounded through intangible beats. You would never hesitate to listen to anyone, so listen to me.
That night we all came to celebrate you, to cry for you, to love you- I wondered where you were. I wondered if when the voices disipated and tears dropped, you were the air that followed the planes overhead. I wondered if when she sang and breath almost stopped, you were the ripples of water hitting the sides. I wondered if when we laughed together, you were the wind pushing the petals off the cherry blossoms. I wondered if when we drowned in silence, you echoed in spirit. And I wondered if when I listened to your crew, I was listening to you. I will always wonder where you are. Some of me has to believe you are there.
I know you can still hear us even if I don’t know where you are. Phil- know that you have inspired me with your mind and will always be in my heart.

"This may be the last time I see you, forgive me for holding you close. This may be the last time I see you, of this moment I will make the most. This may be the last time I see you, but if you keep me in your heart, together we shall be eternal, if you believe we shall never part.
The stones from my enemies, those wounds will mend- but I can not survive the roses from my friends."
You have more roses than anyone.

To all the sons and daughters of a beautiful family- we are now brothers and sisters.

Love Shanna Gupta
shanay629

I shared a history class with Phil my junior year at WOHS. At that time music was the most important thing in the world to me. I had just started a band and we made a really lo-quality recording on a tape deck, and so I brought it in to school to let everyone I knew give it a listen. Throughout the day I let numerous people listen to my recording and the responce I got was almost totally negative and it really shook my love for the music I was making. During lunch that day I let Phil listen to my recording and unlike alot of people Phil listened to every song on that CD during his lunch period and when I asked him what he thought he looked me right in the eye and said "It sucks man". I wasnt stunned since I had received this response most of the day, but then Phil said something that has impacted my life in ways I could never had imagined. He asked me why I made the cd, was it because I loved music or was it because I wanted to be a rock star, he told me it shouldnt matter what others say about my songs as long as I had passion for what I was doing, he told music should be to me as it was to him, an art form that he loved putting his all into. Since that day I have always made music for the right reason...its my passion. I have yet to sell millions of records or have a CD debut on MTV, but I love my music more than anything, its my ultimate passion. I have met life long friends through music, and experinced things I would never have if I had not realized what having passion for an artcraft meant. Thank you Phil. I'll never lose the fire you instilled in me that day.

James Rountree

Dear Phil,
Well I guess this wasn’t a long nightmare. I swear, I was standing in front of you Friday night and saying, “ok Phil, you can jump up now and say haha… I fooled all of you. I’m still here!” But, I never woke up from my nightmare. You didn’t play an April fools joke on us. It is real. First of all… I finally figured out that your name is not Philip Robert Angelo Delafonte Seymour Joseph Augustin III. After all of those years of you trying to convince us that you had 7 names. Anyway, what can I say about the past 12 years of friendship? You are one of my best friends. There are too many memories to even start. Who is going to have the most random and bizarre conversations with me? When most of the time I am saying “Phil, I’m confused, what are you talking about?” Who is going to call me every morning to wake me up for school because you know I do not wake up to alarms, and then of course have me pick you up because oh wait, you never wanted to get your license? Who is going to knock on my door at 6 am every Saturday morning with Ben just to play the piano and entertain my parents and me? Who is going to take me into NYC to a jazz club and sit for hours just listening to music? Who is going to talk to me almost every night before I go to bed and just put me in the best mood? Who is going to make morning announcements and get kicked off? Who is going to have our principle’s name as your screen name? And most of all…who am I going to look up to? There is no one in this world like you. No one that has a permanent smile on their face that just brightens up a room when you walked in. Even when I took pictures of you sometimes and all that you could see is your teeth (haha). You should not have left me, anyone you have met before, and especially the people you were not able to touch yet. It just is not fair to not have someone like you on this earth anymore. But, I know you will always be there, watching over me. Especially laughing at me. Just like you were yesterday when 5 of us managed to get lost walking around in the cemetery on the way to your burial. I heard you laughing at us. I miss you already. You will never be forgotten and you know that. I will talk to you all the time. Just because you are not physically with me does not mean that you are not in my heart for the rest of my life.
I love you.

As for everyone that is reading this….
A few things to tell all of you. I have been talking to Phil’s family, especially his mother, who are all amazing people and could not have done a better job raising Phil. His mother was talking to me tonight at their house and asked me to ask all of you if you had any suggestions of what can be written on his tombstone. Mine was just draw a huge smiley face, but I think it needs to be a little more mature than that. So, if you have any suggestions please e-mail them to me and I will tell Phil’s mother. She knows how much Phil’s friendship meant to everyone and she would love your input. Secondly, if any of you did not get the collages that were being passed around, I have a few extra copies so I can send them to you. And, if you have any pictures online or if you can scan some into the computer, please send them to me because I am going to post them all online. Most of all, if you need anyone to talk to or just give you a hug I am here.
Do not ever forget Phil because there is a part of him in all of us.
Love always
Morgan Brodey
MLBRODEY@syr.edu, IM: Moski123, 973 600 3125

Here is a poem that Phil wrote that I read during the Liquid Arts show in his honor, where we raised about $1000 for his family. He had it published on a poetry website, but I'm not sure where. Haven't found it yet.
-Arleigh
Simple Q&A by Philip Augustin
Why does your breath stink?
It's the stench of the dumb
through empty movement of my tongue.
Why do you wear glasses?
To expand my naive skewed view
but, for acceptance from you
contacts will do.
Who are you?
A product of compromise
seen only through other's eyes
which soon becomes disguise.
What are you doing?
Being lost in each other's thoughts
with myself a battle's fought
while sadly I retain my social spot.
Are you happy?
I've done well, have I not?
My lie is yet to be caught.
But who am I? Ha, I forgot.

When I found out on Sunday what had happen I was stunned, saddened, mad, crushed and so heart broken. Still I set here wondering why this happened to one of the most amazing people I knew. I had meet Phil way back at Gregory Elementary School. Then we moved on to Roosevelt where Phil and I had spent the most time ever together. I think Phil lived at my house more then I had. Ever day after school at 2:45 I would walk back to my house and walk in the back door and Phil would be sitting in the kitchen with my mom (or by himself) waiting for me to come home. I always wondered how he got there before me. I would come in and on most occasions, Sarah and Chris would show up not to much long after. Of course we would then sit down and have to usual after school snack of pretty much Phil and Chris eating everything that my mom had in the cabinets and drinking all of our soda. Phil usually then want outside to go play so basketball in my drive way and stuck around until he had to live for dinner. This happened almost everyday from sixth grade until the end of the summer going into high school. This are some of my greatest memories of middle school, Phil was like my other brother. We talked about everything and he just made me laugh all the time. There wasn’t an afternoon that went by without Phil brightening my day. Even on the weekends Phil would walk up to my house and come and visit, my parents loved him and considered him to be just another part of the family. Then we entered high school. Sure things changed a lot; Phil wasn’t at my house everyday after school, but Phil was still there making everyday for me a great one. I would see Phil in the halls and he would walk by with the biggest warmest smile on his face, always making sure to stop and just say hi and see how things where going. I would see him on the weekends either when we were all hanging out or at a football game. Of course you all remember Phil dancing with us cheerleaders at every game. He was the life of the entertainment; everyone in the audience would cheer for him. Phil would make sure to always stop by my house whenever my family was having a barbeque or at some holiday, just to come say hi, he know my parents missed him.

Everyone knew Phil and Phil knew everyone. Phil was a genius, musically talented and the kindest, most caring, sweetest, friendliest person anyone could ever meet. He was the person you know you could go talk to if you were feeling down, because he would brighten your day. Phil always had wisdom about almost any problem you had. Most of all, everyone knew Phil’s hilarious humor. Come on you know when you think of Phil you think, “Where does he come up with some of this stuff!” Phil was one of the most interesting people you would ever meet and no one will ever be Phil. He holds a spot in everyone’s heart and I know for me that I am who I am today because of Phil. Phil’s warm heart and remarkable friendship, taught me what a true friend is. I know Phil is looking down on all of us wishing we wouldn’t cry, but to remember how he made us smile everyday and hopes we remember that and continue smiling because he is still with us in our hearts. Like Phil wrote in my year book, I have three words, I LOVE YOU!!!! I love you Phil and will always remember you.

Rachael Ritchie

Since I found out about Phil's death, I've been in a state of shock. I keep thinking oh maybe this really is some terrible nightmare and I can just wake up... but yet I never do... this is reality. It just isn't fair, he had so much going for him. He was the one person that I knew without a doubt would make a name for himself.
I go to GW and only had the pleasure of knowing Phil for the past two years. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to write anything and I even questioned whether I should attend the funeral, because even though I considered Phil a good friend there are so many other people that were so much closer to him. I thought that those who were closer with him would resent that fact that I was so upset, because how could I understand, I didn't know him as well as they did. But then I realized that Phil was the type of person that you didn't need to know for a long time to be able to understand what a wonderful person he was. And wheather he knew how much an impact he had on me, he did, and thats important to me.
Everything at GW reminds me of him... I can't go to the gym because I expect to see him playing basketball... I can't walk down the street by Crawford because I would except to see him sitting outside... I can't look at the walls in our dorm room because they're covered with his pictures or the chair in our living room that he frequently sat in (especially the last time i saw him)... and how the hell can the weekends ever be the same without the parties he threw or dancing with him or watching him dance or freestyle. I just dont know how to deal with this. For me and so many other people Phil was the center of GW. I keep re-running my last time I had with him in my head. The conversation is so fresh in my memory and I can so distinctly hear the sound of his laugh. But then I get really upset and regret that I didn't go "run the streets" with him like he asked me to do because i had work to do. So instead we talked but after a while he kissed me on the top of my head I said lata and left.
So i did go to the wake and funeral, and it helped to some degree but also made things so much worse. I just kept thinking though how I wish I had knew more about him, and being with his family and friends from home showed me the part of him that I never saw but wish I had. His family is just so amazing and I knew instantly by talking to his mom that that is where his wonderful personality came from. All i wished was that I could have seen him with them rather than see them mourning him.
I'm sorry this is so long, but Phil was just so great, and I felt that more people from GW should write because even though he was in a big university setting he still perfectly portrayed the Phil that all of you knew and described. It was amazing that he knew so many people and he was loved by everyone. We had two memorial services for him (80 people showed up for the first one), and people got up and spoke about him. As i stood there listening (and crying hysterically which for anyone that does know me is not something I do ever) I started thinking that Phil was more than human. He really knew so many people, including the homeless people on the streets. I couldn't figure out how he had so much time for this. It makes me re-evaluate who I am.
So now what do we do? My away message was-- life goes on... but im just not ready for that yet... GW will never be the same... RIP Phil -- and my best friends little brother actually im'd me and it helped alot... He is gone forver and that can be more painful physically and mentally than anything you have ever known. But you can't let it consume you you can never let the pain consume you because if all you think of is death then eventually death won't seem so bad and you'll come to want it...you've lost someone, undoubtedly he was like an extended family member to you, because our friends are our family...don't forget about him, but make sure you're able to think of other things...moving on isn't a betrayal of his memory
- Kaila McCarthy

I remember the first time I met Phil. It was the first day of freshman year at GW. A bunch of random people who had just met went out to dinner at Bertucci's. I ended up sitting across from Phil. We talked all throughout dinner, and I remember that the first thing that struck me about him was his passionate interest in jazz music. He talked about it so much, and was so knowledgeable about it. I remember thinking that I wish I had an interest that I was as into as he was with jazz. I hate this. I hate walking around and seeing other people at school who didn't know him walk around unaffected and just going on with their lives as if we didn't just lose such a wonderful person. But then again, it's their loss. They never knew him. I can honestly say that GW will never be the same again. Phil was involved in so much here, and he touched so many people. There are tons of people that I never would have met if it hadn't been for him. I would give anything to see him again. To see him on the street. To walk up to him, say hi, and of course get the kiss on the cheek. To look through the peephole in the door and see his smiling face. To hear the room phone ring and hear his voice on the other line. No one else really uses their room phones, and the few times it has rung since March 27, I have wished and hoped it was him. But I'm never that lucky. He would call at random times in the night, and even if I was just about to go to sleep, I'd still talk to him. We'd have the funniest conversations about absolutely nothing. We'd talk online and catch each other on typos and tease each other about everything. I'd give anything to see Lasapio on my buddy list, to see his funny away messages, to see "milk and such" or "fresh undeez" just before he signed off or went away. Phil is a person like no other and he truly is a peacock among penguins. I can't imagine the rest of the semester without him, let alone the rest of my time here until graduation. The house parties will never be the same unless Phil is throwing them. Who else are we going to make jello shots for? Every time I walk by Crawford, I look up at his window and foolishly hope that he's up there, listening to music and just hanging out with his friends. I wish I could see him dance just one last time. Last year we'd smoke then just watch him, mesmerized by his fluidity and talent. And listening to music with him is an experience in and of itself. He gets so into it that I swear, he's hearing something more than the rest of us are. I remember the last time I saw him. We were supposed to watch the John Kerry rally from his window, because we'd get a much better view than from the huge crowd that was already gathered on Kogan Plaza. I rode the elevator to the 8th floor and walked into his room, which was always unlocked. I walked down the hallway into his room, to find him sleeping. So I quietly closed the door without waking him up and left. As I left, I remember thinking that he looked so peaceful as he slept. Then, exactly 9 days later, I saw him again. He had the same peaceful look on his face, but this time was different. He won't wake up this time. I don't want him to be gone. I don't want to get used to not having him around. I don't want to go to Liquid Arts expos, knowing that he won't be there. I don't want to go to house parties that aren't Phil's. Even if it's the same people, it'll never be the same. Phil won't be there. I know that I'll never forget him but knowing that I have to move on and go on with my life is so hard. I'm afraid that moving on will eventually lead to forgetting him, for some people anyway. I refuse to be one of those people. I will never forget Phil or the impact he had on me.
i'd give anything to hear half your breath.
i know you're still livin your life, after death.
143 Phil. fresh undeez.
Love Arleigh aka Terrence (Terrence n Philip)
princess0710
ps. does anyone know where we can get some WO hats like the one that Phil wore all the time? my roommates and I each wanted one.

Unbelievable

These past weeks have probably been the hardest weeks i have ever had to go through...i know it’s been hard for everyone as well. I don't even know what to say, or how to begin to describe the overwhelming amount of feelings that i have. How do you say good-bye to someone that you’re not ready to say good-bye to? How can you let go of someone who brought u sooo much happiness? It's so hard to believe Phil isn't physically with us anymore. Its so hard knowing that when I go to another party and see a bunch of people crowded around...Phil won't be in the center freestylin' or doing some sort of dance. Cuz Lord knows Phil was always the center of attention... and no one had a problem with that. What I remember most about Phil was his unbelievable ability to make people smile. I remember being dragged to this party over the summer by one of my friends. I was really uneasy about going but never-the less I went anyway. During the drive all I could think about was how much I was going to hate this party and how much I wished my friend just reversed the car and drove me back home. We got to the party and I got out of the car and I defiantly looked like I didn’t want to be there. We walked into the house and who do I see sitting at the dinning room table…PHIL! I swear, right then and there I knew everything was going to be alright because there was never a time I didn’t die laughing when Phil was in the room. We joked a lot about everything…and talked about middle school and how he signed my yearbook, and then at the end he wrote “communism for life”...another one of the most random things Phil would say and do. The word ‘Laugh’ was, and still is a connotation to Phil’s name. All you had to do was hear someone mention Phil’s name and u would just automatically laugh, no one would have ever imagined a time when hearing Phil’s name would make u cry.

Yes, Phil is gone. But only physically… Judging by what I saw this weekend…Phil is still very much alive. Because just by knowing and loving Phil we’ve taken a part of Phil inside each and every one of us. He lives through us now. Yes, it hurts and yes, it’s defiantly okay to cry. It’s difficult to see the one you love go. But common guys, you know Phil. He never liked seeing us frown..its time to celebrate his life. Phil isn’t alone…he’s in the company of his father and God. Other than in our hearts, Phil is in a place where everyone, I won’t say is just like him because Phil was one of a kind, but defiantly around people like him. Phil isn’t alone and he wouldn’t want us to feel alone. Phil befriended so many people & this past weekend we’ve seen how many people Phil has reached out to and there was a reason for that. Phil was always the person we would go to when we were upset and needed comfort. Now that Phil isn’t here to comfort us…he needs us to be there for each other. And I think that we have proven that. Just by this forum we are here supporting each other. Phil has once again brought us together.

f there’s anything that Phil would have wanted us to learn. It is to live life to the fullest just as he did. Be there for each other, Just as he did. Reach out to other people, Just as he did. And most importantly, make each other smile….Just as he did.

Phil spent his life making sure we were smiling, so now its our turn to return the favor to the best friend we’ve ever known…and make sure he’s laughin, & smiling up there.

I love you Phil, i will always carry u in my heart…I promise that when people meet me….they’ll also be meeting a part of you.

If anyone wants to talk…feel free to call me or get intouch with me. AIM: Cuddlyqt3
I missed u guys...thanks Jeremy for this...it helped so much.
Love always, Rachel Marcelino

Hello, THIS IS POST FOR EVERYONE
Phil passed... this we all know. For those who attended the wake or funeral, we saw the body. There are a lot of blanks left in this. But please in respect for Phil don’t try and fill in the blanks yourself. It just seems a lot of stories about his passing are turning into Gossip. Phil passed very horribly, not for the fact that there is a lot of drama surrounding his passing ... But he died young. I’m going to have to piggyback off of what Ify said all these assumptions and lies are not celebrating Phil, but in away degrading Phil.... I see so much love on these posts and that’s great. But let’s try and keep it like that in our conversations... That way we remember Phil for his past and not his passing. Who was great colorful vivid guy, who almost never frowned. Who would carry the worlds on his back if he had to; in light of bring some type of joy to this world. That WAS PHIL.... and that was how he passed.
-Chris

I met Phil at the Orientation for GW. And like most people, I met Phil when i was feeling at my worst, I was unhappy bc I hadn't met anyone I could talk to at GW, and I didnt think I fit in. I was just about to go back to my room at 9pm to go to sleep, n there was Phil on the corner, introducing himself n asking me if Id like to come along for a walk to Georgetown. We talked that night, and realized some common interests n when I went home I told everyone about Phil from West Orange, how he was the only thing I had to look forward to upon coming to George Washington in the fall. As soon as I got to school and found out which room he was in, I was spending many nights until 5AM talking with Phil on his bunkbed...or laughing in the stairwell. He was the only person who would listen to me ramble about boys n family issues, n his advice was always inspiring, n if i had listened everytime i wouldve saved myself a lot of heartache...bc thats all Phil ever wanted for his family n friends, happiness, he wanted people to feel the kind of happiness that pushed him out the door every morning for his 8 AMs n the happiness that made him dance infront of mirrors n sing out loud. Its nice to see that Phil has always been a genuine goodhearted individual....hes blessed so many with his presence. I honestly wish I had met him so much earlier, n i wish i knew more about his friends from home, n i wish i had the chance to see him n his family together....but i will not dwell on regrets bc i could go on n on about the things i wish i would have done with Phil, but there were only so many hours in the day, n im glad to see that the ones i wasn't spending with Phil, he was using them to make other people happy. I want all his friends that haven't seen Phil in awhile to know, that he was just the same as when you last talked, just as beautiful, n he was the happiest person i have ever met, n he was making plans n working them out until the tragedy. He was an angel, theres no other way to explain the way he could make people feel n the things he was able to do, he must have been an angel.
I feel hopeless as im sure many of u do, nothing seems as nice w/out Phil around. If anyone wants to talk, my SN is Cuppcake217, n i would love to talk about Phil, its the only thing that can put a smile on my face. I love u Valentine & "im officially missing u"
Love always, Valerie

From: Iheanyi Ahukanna (4/3/04)

Today I witnessed Phil, a close friend, get laid to rest. It was the first time I had lost a close friend. Im still down about it...lately I haven't been able to eat much or focus on work. I can't help feeling sorrow for his family...sometimes I feel guilty for not keeping in close touch with him after graduation. I want to go back in time, hold back the tears, and bring Phil back to this earth and act like he never left so I'd see him at high school reunion and grow old. Then I thought to myself how selfish I had been acting...today's funeral service taught me something important. Phil lived life to the fullest, and more than most do...he'd want us all to do the same. Phil is in God's hands now and there's not much more I, or anyone else, can do about that. It brings me some comfort because I believe Phil was heaven sent...and it's only right that he return. If there's anything that his life and death has taught me, it is to cherish the time I have now with family and friends that I care about. Because it hurts to not have a chance to tell someone you truly care about, "I appreciate you, your time, your presence, and your love that you've shared with me...", and maybe not in those words but by a phone call, visit, or smile. Remembering Phil, he always loved to 'drop knowledge' on you, and he never failed to do that, even now...his last message for me is to keep in close touch with people I care about. That, and a strong relationship with God is all that is left for me to do...live life as Phil did and develop a closer relationship with the Lord. So everyone who still mourns for Phil, be encouraged and find strength knowing that you have the opportunity to meet him again. God bless!

For those who I know and have lost touch with, here's my information. I hope that at least we can all check up with one another to make sure life is going well. Please contact me at anytime if you need someone to just talk to about anything. Honestly, I don't care if I've never met you, I'd love to hear from you.

Iheanyi E. Ahukanna
277 Babcock Avenue, Box#2147
Boston, MA 02215

AIM: edubjones
E-mail: edubjone@bu.edu / proph4_2000_2000@yahoo.com
Cell Phone#: (973) 951-0170

Phil had a rare and unusual gift, he had this uncanny ability to relate to other people regardless of their race, creed, or skin tone. He was a talented and charismatic kid with everything to live for, he had so much going for him and he was so genuine. I'd like to reflect on the way he lived and I think all of us would benefit from following his example. He's touched all of our lives in one way or another and it was an honor and a privilege to have known him.

Sincerely,
Steven Huang

I think what I’ll remember the most about Phil, and will remember for the rest of my life, is his smile. He just had one of the most amazing smiles I have ever seen. It took over his whole face and was as contagious as his laugh. It was always genuine and filled with his love, his compassion, and his humor. It was award winning. And he liked to smile, a lot.

I marched with him in the marching band for three years, and I hated marching band, but knowing he was going to be at practice would always brighten my day. He was an excellent marcher and could pull himself together and be serious when it was necessary, but he understood how important it was to have fun while working hard and he strove to make sure we all always had fun. He was wacky and a goof, and without him marching band would have been painfully boring.

Music was inspiration for him. It was always a part of his life and followed him wherever he was going. I admired his talent and ability, but also his passion for the music, a passion that I am working toward with my own and hope to someday be encompassed by. Oh man could he play the sax.

I want all of you who are in West Orange right now for the wake and services to know how much I wish I could be with you. I think it is ironic that the reason I couldn’t come home this weekend is because I have a concert. Believe me, I wish I was with you all right now so that we could be sad together, mourn together, and comfort each other. My friends here don’t understand what has happened and can’t and aren’t trying to comfort me. Please know that my love and thoughts are with you all and will continue to be as we heal and remember. My body is here at school, but my heart is with you.

My heart hurts for Phil’s family and friends because we lost a great part of our lives. My heart hurts for everyone who will never meet such an amazing person who was never hindered by race, class, gender, pain, whose life was filled with smiles. My heart hurts for Phil because we all knew that he was going to be great and it’s hard to think that his imminent greatness was cut short by this tragedy. My heart hurts.

There is so much more I wish I could say, but I don’t know how to express my pain, anger, disappointment, and sadness anymore. I wish I could stop crying.

Gillian Suss
WOHS ’03

Thanks for this, Jeremy.

Hey I just thought I would share what I wrote to the Hatchet in case it does not get printed. This was my reaction to the pictures they used in the story on Phil.

To Whom It May Concern:
As a friend of Phil's I am shocked, bewildered and disgusted. I believe the article was written very well, and you got the essence of who Phil was: the happy, lively,fun loving guy I remember from high school. HOWEVER, the second picture, the one of his remains, will forever be embedded in my mind for the rest of my life. There are some things that should not be printed. This is one of them. This was a poor judgement call and it feels like Phil was violated. As a reporter myself, I believe that my school would not have done this, they would have respected the memory that is Phil and honored him in the way he was, not in the way he died. That picture might as well have been taken as he was drowning in the tidal basin. If you were hoping for a reaction, well you got one. Unfortunately, this reaction will not give you applause, it is going to give you a swaying finger of disaproval.
He always cared so much about others, it outrages me to think that he will no longer be remembered for his caring attitude towards everyone, but for the way that he died. He always tried to change the world one smile at a time. He always made me smile. However, that picture just makes me want to cry.
Sincerely,
Diana Lyn Chandler

Has any one supposed it lucky to be born?
I hasten to inform him or her it is just as lucky to die, and I know it.

I pass death with the dying and birth with the new-wash'd babe,
and am not contain'd between my hat and boots,
And peruse manifold objects no two alike and every one good,
The earth good and the stars good, and their adjuncts all good.
I am not an earth nor an adjunct of an earth,
I am the mate and companion of people, all just as immortal

and fathomless as myself,
(They do not know how immortal, but I know.)

-Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

I never knew Phil as well as any of you, and although I was friends with him, much like with many of you, I dropped out of contact with him. I wish I had become better friends with him but things never worked out that way.

I was deeply saddened by the news of Phil's passing, but in a way the end is just a path not seen. I think now that Phil is gone the best way to remember him is to make small changes in our own lives. If we become a little more spontaneous, a little more kind, or even smile more, we pass on all the memories and joy that Phil brought us. Try not to focus on the death but rather the change that he has made in all of us.

-Jonathan Chia

Wow, I really don't know what to say for fear that enough of what I feel inside wont be completely expressed. After reading everything that everyone had to say my emotions are all haywire again as I'm certain everyone elses is. What Phil was to me was something that no one else could ever be or even try to be. I don't care who or what you were to Phil, but I can guarantee that no one will ever play the role that he played in your life. It just doesn't seem fair that someone so full of life, smiles, happiness, talent, brains, and personality shouldn't be given a chance to live out soo many wonderful things. It seems like such a waste to me, there was soo much that was gonna be done, soo much he would have done!!! Whenever I saw Phil, he made me smile, and he tried especially hard when we I was sad. Always sitting behind me in class, whispering the craziest stuff in my ear, and getting me in trouble,...but I could never be mad at him....It was just Phil, and it did make me smile when I was sad. I even remember the many times he made me learn is ever lasting long name....it was a daily lesson in WOHS for me. My mother even took a liking to Phil, and thats not an easy thing to do. When I was bored, just sitting at home talking on the phone with Phil he would say things like "I'm gonna come over and keep you company," and of course I didn't believe him. But 20 minutes later, he had walked down the hill and was ringing my doorbell. And he did this many times throughout the year. My mom refferred to him as "Phil, the nice young man that plays the piano" lol.............but now he is gone and the world seems just a little bit more wrong,.....I'm writing how I feel because I know for a fact that everyone else is feeling the same way I feel right now. If I'm not keeping busy my mind just wanders and it starts to hurt inside, and then the only thing left to do is cry because you can't do anything about it. But you wish you could, I wish I could just turn back the hands of time and do something to not let that day happen. It almost seems as if it was a mistake and God made a mistake...but I know God makes no mistakes and thats just my heart talking, but thats what it seems like. I just keep thinking back to that smile and laugh Phil had, and believe it or not it warms my heart. While I'm soo hurt and soo sad, I really have to thank God that I met Phil, and that he was in my life. From the day I met him in Middle School,...my life became better. It had a lot more smiling in it. Knowing Phil's life wasn't in vain makes it a little better. I mean look at how many people were bettered(if that is a word)by his life. My prayers are with all of you, and with all of his family.....

To Phil, my "smile-creater",
Phil I love you and I really miss you, .............Save me a seat,... some day I hope to see you again, and I know you'll be there ready to make me smile.

Be Strong!!!!
Lynnette Alicia Anderson

This is so hard. It's so hard to write anything at all when all I want to do is write everything that I feel. Phil was such an amazing person. Amazing doesn't even do him justice. He would do almost anything to make you smile. It's so hard to know someone almost your whole life and know that you will never get to see them again. The last time I saw phil was at Mark and Julies with liz. Phil was supposed to be working, but of course he sat down for a good ten minutes and just talked.....just talked. I don't remember what we all talked about but I do know that we laughed. it's not fair. It's not fair that you dont' get to live the rest of your life. It makes me angry knowing that you aren't going to be there to laugh with anymore. You had so much to give other people and you always did. You always made people feel wonderful. The only thing I can think of is that at least you lived your life to the fullest while you were here. You didn't hold back. Most people that live to a hundred don't live as much as you did.
I'm sad phil. and i miss you.

-Rachel Musto

Some things in life make absolutely no sense and guess this would be one of them. I can't say I remember the first day I met Phil or seen Phil, I guess I just remember his presence. It would have had to be sometime in middle school. Wow ... Phil ... its amazing how much hope I saw in you. The way you threaded your way through society just integrating and not on that phony "let me be friends with everyone." Your personality was just like that…. so diverse.

You were comforting and had a welcomed presence. You were our honorary Kingpin, I remember you stole a picture of me, jas, tiff, cecilia and rachel and said you where the fake gay friend of our click. We would always talk about one day just chilling and seeing what life was like in our circle and we tried once senior year, when you and Ben came over Jaz house. I remember when you would play your saxaphone... and just put us all in state like trance. Just took me far away from reality. I remember taking the Kaplan SAT class with you and I would do just okay and you would bullshit and say you did okay too when in actuality that time you got 1470.

Wow... I cant even believe I am using your name in past tense. It was just yesterday I sat next to you in graduation talking about how "ashy my feet were ... and how you were going to be the first black president." A couple days before your incident I remember reading your away message about your Radio show and couple of days ago before that, you IM me about my random love poems in my aim profile.... Just on Tuesday I had to take you off my buddy list, because I knew you wouldn't be responding ever again to that "AIM SOUND". I told my self I was not going to cry and death is the only thing that is promised in life. But you were only 20..... I sit here with tears again for the second time. It just makes absolutely no sense. Your wake is tomorrow and my heart doesn’t have the strength to Go. For me to say my goodbye and cry just doesn't have any meaning to me. To see your foot hanging from underneath that black cover on the webpage made no sense and still doesn't. I don't know if it is my selfishness in not wanting to let go or all the blanks about this just not being able to formulate you are no long here on the Earth. You were the one of the people I awaited a chance to run into over break.... or actually ask people about you. I remember when i first got your screen name from Dan Shock and was dying laughing how your screen name was Lasapio... and I thought in my mind "only Phil". You truly where that 1 in a zillion,

I guess to sum it up you handled God's Calling and now you rest. I believe strongly in the belief that we will meet again in heaven. The bible says that I may not know you and you not know me. But we will have that déjà vu feeling, and we will be in euphoria where accidents don’t happen and we are just under God's heavenly reign. It feels good to say I honestly had a lot of love and compassion for you. I looked at the graduation picture and the image my father shot of us in front of our whole class is beautiful and that’s how I am going to remember you as Beautiful. I wrote a short poem for you because I remember how we use to share in photography class and you would give me either one of those wow that was deep stares or that made absolutely no sense or IFY "I’m leaving" stares. Here I Go


Gods given Choice to cry or Smile
Not accepting the truth while living in denial
This news is like a well that has just gone dry
Outward appearance stands strong while inside I cry
Your Gone … and I’m still here
Your Gone …. And people still care
Your memory is like a fossil imprinted in Stone
Reliving your memory of stories told and unknown
I have anger in my heart about your demise
I have anger from all these stories, assumptions and lies
I have anger in my heart for pain your close ones endure
Finally have anger in my heart for life ended so premature
The last sentence, last page, last chapter and last novel
Has ended, with tears, pain, agony and grovel
I pray that your bereavement be not in vain
I pray that you went fast and suffered no pain
I Pray peace be with you till we meet again
We will see each other just a question of when
Your storm is over and Clouds slowly Subdue
While you sit and realize how much love we had for you

Love IFUNANYA "IFY" EMENUGA

It's always tough to lose someone you've known for a long time. I've known Phil since middle school and the memories are just endless. Like everyone has already said, I cant think of one other person who's touched so many peoples lives and brought so many people together. From basketball to the classes we shared to just acting up for no reason, I'll always remember you Phil. Thanks for all the memories.

Masih Mohebbi

I remember first meeting Phil freshman year when I sat next to him in Mrs. Schwartz’s Spanish class. At first, I thought he was crazy. It didn’t take long though to realize that he was just an amazing person. It’s unbelievable how so many people can have only respect, love, and admiration for one person. It’s unbelievable how this one person can be taken away from us so suddenly.

Just seeing Phil would make me smile. He would stare at me trying to get me to laugh. As soon as he did that thing where his eyes grew big and you could see the white, I couldn’t help it. He was one of the funniest people I have ever met. On graduation night, I wasn’t upset about leaving until I had read what he wrote in my yearbook. It made me realize how special Phil really was and what a genuine person he was and how much I would miss seeing him everyday. I realized I was so lucky to have known someone like him, even for just a short time. I enjoyed running into him after graduation and I was anxious to see what he’d end up doing in the future because he could have done anything he wanted. He had so much talent, he probably could have made a living playing sax.

I am still devastated by the loss of Phil. It’s not fair that he’s gone. He was such a special person and we should all be so lucky if we meet someone who is even half the person Phil was. I don’t understand how this can happen…to someone so young…with such a promising future…to Phil.

I was talking to Emily Krauser. She said this to me: “my way of viewing death, personally, which I know is different for everyone, is that you never go before your time. So it sucks because he was only 20, but look at how many people he impacted. I really believe he did what he was supposed to do. And I think it’s the only way I can think about it – because then I know he did achieve something. And he did – he touched all of us.”
It’s hard for me to think that Phil’s time was up, but it does help to think about how he touched us all. Reading everyone’s comments helps me realize this too. What I’ll remember most about Phil was his ability to make people happy. I remember not only how happy I felt when I was around Phil, but I can remember how happy others around Phil looked and how big their smiles were.

My heart goes out to his family, close friends, and everyone else sharing in this loss.
Love,
Kristine Kelly

Kinoraleh: so its all good
Kinoraleh: but i gotta run out for a quick minute and i dont thnki'll be back till 8
Lasapio: indeed my best friend indeed
Lasapio: no problem
Lasapio: milk and such
Lasapio: fresh UN deez
Kinoraleh: cya
Lasapio: i love you tamar
Kinoraleh: i love u too! i'll call you soon
Kinoraleh: promise

That was on Wednesday. The last time I talked to Phil and I never called.
I didn't know what to post - nothing seems real to me, I'm not sure when it will.
People say to talk and to write... words seem dull and meaningless. I will write hoping that he's reading.
Nothing I will say about him is nothing that no one here already knows.
Since the 8th grade when we met in Youth Orchestra,
Phil has told me that he loves me, Phil has been my best friend.
All through high school, there wasn't a night that he didn't call, a night that we didn't spend talking - hours of laughing and dreaming or just sitting there silent - listening to the radio frequencies that his
phone used to pick up, getting preview readings from Paul Adam's Chronicle - we'd never run out of things to tell each other until we'd fall asleep. My parents were used to him calling at the some ungodly hour. Only he could get away with it - he found a way into everyone's heart. He'd never come to my house without giving my mother a kiss or spending time talking to my father.
My memories of Phil are endless, some so personal that they will
always be just between us... some so faded that I'd give anything to ask him to fill in the blanks -- he always remembered everything. He was the color in my world he was everything logical, he was an endless source of entertainment but he would always stretch my limits. He stretched my imagination, my intelligence, my faith in myself and in others, he stretched my capacity to love. He never had any expectations of me.
He made me feel beautiful and strong and intelligent. He respected me and was never afraid to let me know it.
His charisma and his charm and his goofiness... he was so unique. He was Phil. He just was Phil.
He lived life to the fullest, he didn't just go with the flow - he took the flow and made it go with him.
I didn't tell him enough that I appreciated him, that I loved him, that I admired him.

He was this little kid and this old wise man all rolled into one.
You can't ever get mad at a little kid and you know that the wise man always has one up on you.
We didn't hang out with the same group of people... I always kept more with a select few but not Phil.
Phil was the center of everyone's world - I loved that about him. I loved hearing his stories of people and listening to how he saw the world. I always felt so special that he confided in me.
He was the greatest listener in the world.
He was always concerned, but never pushy -- he was always supportive
he was always trusting, always loving. He was everything solid in my life.
He left an impression on everyone, I had friends who met him once and who in a few hours were completely drawn into his world. Phil had an amazing capacity to love -- he would have gone to the end of the world for his family and for his friends.
If we all could pick one memory, one trait of Phil's to mirror - this world would be an amazing place.
We lived in completely different worlds but for some reason, 7 years ago those worlds collided and I'm not exactly sure what happens now.
I would be a different person if Phil wasn't in my life. He was so special and I was so lucky to have known him the way I did.
When I was living in Israel, a random call from Phil would light up my week -just being able to hear his voice and his laugh and let him turn all my drama into non-sense, putting the world back into order... in every sense he will always be unparalleled.

Phil always talked about his "master plan" - there was no plan... everything he did was mastered - his talents were endless, his zeal, his compassion, his genius.
He wasn't destined for greatness, he lived greatness.
A few months ago we were talking and while I don't remember why, we started talking about death. Phil said he didn't fear death, that he was looking forward to hanging out with his Dad. We talked about Frankie... the only person in the world that he was in complete awe of, that could leave Phil without anything to say.
If you don't know her, spend some time and meet this girl, she incorporates everything we love about Phil.

Every time I relive that conversation I get goosebumps but may knowing this bring some comfort to all of you.
I know he'll always be with everyone he loved.
Phil,
I hope you're with your Dad and with your grandmother.
I'll be here for Frankie.
I love you and you know I'll never stop.
Tamar

i was a little hesitant about signing this. i didnt really know what to say. i didnt even read all the passages cuz i started tearing. well...here it goes...i distinctly remember what phil wrote in my yearbook and even the first time i met him in high school. and that's hard for me to say about anyone. but he just left that kind of impression. i think he did with everyone. he just walked right up to me and asked me if my dad was a terrorist. i had never spoken to him before, i was new to the school, i was completely confused by the question and simply said no and asked why. and he tells me, "because you're the bomb." and ever since then he always managed to put a smile on my face, or a cramp in my side because he would make me laugh so hard. he was definitely one of a kind. everyone knew him, his presence was that substantial. i cant think of anyone who had a bad thought about him. i was never very close to him, but he was just one of those people you can't help but care about.
<3 phil ~ i'll be praying for you and your family and friends

~sheila-rae~

To those of you were so close to Phil, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm sitting here at my computer, hundreds of miles away with tears streaming down my face, trying to think of what to say. Nothing I write will properly convey my emotions, but I'm going to try damn hard.
I was not friends with Phil. In fact, I didn't even know who he was until he randomly started talking to me one day junior year. He knew me even though we'd never met or talked before. I was shocked at how funny he was even though I'd heard plenty about him before. We only spoke a few times throughout the years, but he was one of those people that made a lasting impression. Especially after getting kicked off the morning announcements. Man, he knew how to get the day started right. At Project Graduation, I realized that Phil was one of the few people I wished I'd spent more time trying to get to know. He was just unforgettable.
I moved away shortly after graduation, hoping never to think about West Orange again. That just wasn't possible. When a friend told me about Phil's death, it was one of those things that just couldn't be fathomed. I thought there had to be a mistake. Phil couldn't die. Phil was invincible. But it slowly sank in. The articles. The pictures. All painful proof of something I didn't want to admit. But now there's no way of escaping it. Even though I probably wouldn't have ever seen Phil again, I hate knowing that I've lost the chance and that there are so many people out there that will be deprived of knowing his smiling face and humorous personality.
If anyone reads this who is planning on attending the funeral, please spend a little bit longer paying your last respects for me... I can't be there.

I'll miss you, Phil. Keep smiling down on us.

Jen

i never knew phil as you all did; i spoke to him only a handful of times, and beg you all to accept my sympathy.

i lost an honor society election to phil, and laughed so hard as he tossed packets of chips to the music-room crowd that i didn't even mind. he had a gift preachers and politiciams would sell their right hands for, the ability to work a room with complete assurance and poise.

but he knew, too, instictively, how to set someone at ease, how to speak so a stranger felt wanted. in the few conversations we had -- over honor society christmas decorating, across the aisle on bus to the county incinerator with ap environmental science -- he never asked me questions, never asked me to explain myself, i remember that; it never seemed to occur to him that i was an outsider. he spoke to me as though we had known each other for years -- openly, warmly, and with hutter honesty.

iconic, a crusader for the first amendment and free chips and pitless peaches, i will remember him. the world has lost a great and powerful soul.

i wish you all well. peace.
esther mittelman, wohs '02
(973) 951-1708
smittel1@earthlink.net (don't write to my barnard address, if you have it; i don't go to school there anymore.)

At first when I found out the news, I was unaware who it was, I just heard that someone from our class had died, when I found out that it was Phil I just could not believe it, and still I cant believe it! Phil was supposed to be the next presidnet of the United States how can such a misfortune happen to such a fabulous person. I first met Phil in band class freshman year, he played the sax and i remember he played a weird instrument I have never seen and that weird instrument lead to our first conversation. Then he appeareared in my public speaking class, and boy did he make that class so much fun. HE gave the the best speeches ever that would just leave you talkin about them and how they just brought a smile to everyone's face. I remember listen to his morning announcements in the morning, and how I always thought he was the best morning announcer to hit wohs, no doubt about it. I also remember how at the football games he would try to make the crowd cheer and dance with the cheerleaders. He was such a comedian. Phil had such a good head on his shoulders, he was the leader of our class and now that he is gone.... no words. Phil always made me laugh. And I still have a picture of him when he pretended to be a powder puff girl in ms.pomar's class. Phil god will treat you good, as well as your family, it takes a great family to raise a remarkable person, and I'm so glad that God took the time to make you who you are... irreplaceable.
im here for anyone.. my aim: idintnowht2pt
Vanessa Colon

If there is one word I could use to describe Phil it would be invincible. This kid that I met as a little girl, who could always make me laugh...grew up to be the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Phil was going to take over the world ya know...and put a smile on everyone's face while he was at it. I had no doubt that he was destined for greatness. Extremely intelligent, unbelievably talented, kind, loyal, charming, and funny as all hell. Just to name a few.
So now I try to make sense of it all and the more I think, the angrier I become. I feel like I, we, the world was robbed of one of its brightest stars. I'm angry because I was never able to tell Phil how amazing he was and how much I looked up to him; how every single person he encountered was touched by him in some way. I still don't believe it and probably won't until this weekend. I remember seeing him at Jasmine's house growing up and being on Student Council with him in Roosevelt. I remember practically falling on the floor laughing every time i was with him, one crazy antic after the other. I remember joking with him about being black kids growing up in West Orange and how we both turned out. I remember him coming down to dance with the cheerleaders at all the football games, his lanky body moving in the oddest ways. I remember Phil just being Phil.
I am sad that these memories are all I have left of such an amazing person...and yet they are a consolation because each one brings a smile to my face. God bless his family and all of you. RIP Phil
~ Charla Bullock

Though it appears to be the token opening statement here, I don't know where to begin. This experience has met me with utter shock and disbelief. When Nick Weirda called me with this news, I didnt know how to react. I went through the entire spectrum of emotions- from angry, to sad, to shocked. While we were never extremely close friends, Phil was always a good acquaintance of mine, always there to joke around and raise my spirits. I had known Phil since we attended Gregory School and I remember playing basketball with him at recess. His good nature and incredible talents always captivated everyone he knew. It seemed that everyone loved Phil and that no one had anything bad to say about him. I know that I will always remember him as a great guy who touched all of his friends. It's very strange and humbling when someone you've known for over a decade is taken away. I think it's important that we're all here for each other throughout this tragic time. We'll all miss you Phil.

-Matt Hersh